During last year’s men’s group, grief was one of the central and deepest themes for everyone who participated. Quite a few of the men lost parents during our time together while others either experienced their own deep losses and tragedies or stood as support for those who were mourning.
What left such powerful impression on me—and what created such profound, lasting experiences for the group—was having the safe space to express difficult emotions, to grieve, and fully feel their hearts.
Up until very recently, it hasn’t been socially acceptable for men to feel in our society. We’ve been told to “toughen up!” and have been conditioned never to cry. A consistent pressure to be stoic and steady and to repress our emotions so as not to show weakness and vulnerability. This blockage created over years and years is, in my view, what has caused so much harm in the world—yet in the wound lies the medicine.
I am forever moved by the strength it takes for a man to open his heart and weep while being held by his brothers. Heartbreak is a part of life but having the courage to share that pain, and to receive support, is a massive part of the healing process.
We don’t ever have to go through collective grief alone, either. Because if we don’t have the space to process the overwhelming emotions we each feel every day, they will fester. The world is filled with painful and challenging things at this time and unless we become aware of our own pain, we’ll unknowingly be perpetuating and repeating the patterns of discord.
I am grateful now for my own heart that can fully feel. And it took time, this all takes time. Through a willingness to feel and be held in loving community, only then will our hearts have the ability to strengthen and open more and more. And that same heart will then have the ability to help others do the same.
