One of my favorite quotes is from Michelangelo: “Every block of stone has a statue inside it, and it is the task of the sculptor to release it.”
I’ve spent the last 25 years working on my craft as an actor, director, and creative professional. However, it wasn’t until I discovered Men’s Work, almost eight years ago, that I realized that so much of my craft has nothing to do with the art itself.
I know and have worked with countless talented actors, writers, directors, and artists, and the ones that have come into lasting success are the ones who have built a solid core of personal values, practices, and discipline. Yes, they work tirelessly on their craft and study with sincere dedication but overwhelmingly, the main component that I have witnessed in them is that they simply work on themselves.
I can name a few examples of how this shows up for folks who don’t have this kind of structure:
The actor who doesn’t show up for a screen test because of a blow-up in a toxic relationship.
The writer who misses deadline after deadline succumbing to their own resistance.
The director who flies off the handle in a reactive moment of anger and gets fired.
What these are ultimately examples of is what acclaimed author Gay Hendrix calls Upper Limits. Moments when a person self destructs right when the thing they have longed for begins to manifest! And this is not just before success comes, often it hits hardest on the other side of our achievement.
Many times I have watched actors get the dream role, make all the money, receive all the acclaim. Yet after the high of the success subsides the arrival fallacy kicks in—they are, after all, still them. It’s been described to me as a feeling of emptiness, loneliness, even despair. If they don’t have a routine of practice, a spiritual connection, a sense of worth within themselves, struggle continues to find them.
The flip side is an artist that has that consistent practice of self-evaluation and self-care. Their success seems to be magnetized to them and it flows like breath. It comes in its own timing, it’s received joyfully, and subsides naturally. There is a relaxation in everything because they are actively loving themselves.
Their talent is no longer about them, it becomes an act of service. It makes the world brighter and lifts others up. What I’m describing here isn’t sexy or a quick fix. It is a slow drip of showing up and the angel in the sculpture begins to reveal itself in its own time.
After a while it seems rather simple. Choosing health and wholeness as a creator. Then true inspiration is channeled and the need to be important or impressive dissolves. The priorities are aligned with the work and life becomes spacious, even fun.
It is simple, but not easy. Facing yourself is hard as fuck. Shadows are gnarly and addictions are cunning. Chasing the shining object is endlessly distracting. No amount of practice or commitment will ever make any of those things go away. Yet when we consistently choose giving over ego, when we are in a group of peers who respect us and hold us accountable, it does become easier. That is the recipe for a life and career balance that is both functional and lasting.
